Falling into something is much easier than climbing out of something.
So it’s funny to me we use the phrase ‘fell out of love’.
Like you can simply fall out of a hole you free fell into.
You must climb, crawl, and search for foot holds to help you out of the depression where you dove head first.
Perhaps you’re lucky enough to have people who show up and surround you with love. They’ll throw down a rope so the climbing is easier. They’ll encourage you, and point out places where you can anchor in to reach another hand hold, and tell you to grab the rope tighter as they pull with all their strength to get you out of the abasement of the pit.
That is love.
And this, in itself, harbors feelings of uncertainty for me about the idea of ‘falling into love’.
There is no abyss named love.
Because love isn’t something to fall into. It’s never something you need to crawl your way out of either.
It’s ever present and surrounding.
If you feel like you’ve ‘fallen out of love’ I imagine you were never there at all.
So what do we fall into?
Feelings, ideas, and beliefs of forever after. Conversations and texts and interactions that meant everything in the moment but didn’t mean love.
They sounded like “I’ll always stand by your side. I love you. I’m in love with you. I will be here for you.”
The words felt like it. The belief was something you held so close to your heart that when you fell into what you thought was love you felt incredible until you realized you were alone in a deep, dark hole.
And the ones who come to pull you out with ropes, and be there until the end are the ones who love you.
If the person you ‘fell in love’ with isn’t there at the top of your climb out, supporting you and standing by you, it wasn’t love.
It was something, for sure. Perhaps fast, furious, long-standing, tumultuous, passionate, short-lived, thoughtful, adventurous, sexy, friendly, connected, fiery, disconnected. Perhaps all of those things.
If they aren’t there at the top of the abyss helping you out, it wasn’t love.
Because love is ever present and surrounding.
Love cares not for it’s own advancement, pleasure, or winning.
Love simply stands at the top of the deep fissure you’ve fallen into and delights in you climbing out, and wins with you reaching success.
Love has no agenda for itself. It only wishes to witness your happiness.
You don’t fall in love. You experience it when you desire happiness for a soul you intersect with on a deep level, and no matter what happens, you genuinely celebrate their life and joys whether you’re a part of it or not.
We fall into lots of things. There are innumerable potholes, depressions, voids, pits, and chasms.
Love is never one of them. It’s always the rope that pulls us out. Waiting for us at the top, every time.
It’s a skillful thing to notice who’s there because that is true love.