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Nine Years Old

By LVA

I am 9 years old.
This is what’s happening tonight.
My gender doesn’t matter.
My ethnicity doesn’t matter.
My religion doesn’t matter.
My origin doesn’t matter.
This is what’s happening tonight.

I am starving and haven’t eaten in two days. My baby sister is crying next to me. She’s starving too.

I am tucked into bed. My mom is reading the Harry Potter series to me before sleep.

I am in a locked closet. In a few hours I’ll be brought into a room where I’ll be raped. Over and over.

I am spending the night at my best friend’s house. We’re gonna play video games and eat popcorn.

I am spending the night at my grandpa’s house. I don’t want him to come into the room, it feels gross when he does.

I am having pizza night with my family and my little sibs. We’re laughing at all the youtube fail videos we love.

I am sitting on the corner with my mother and my brother. We’re hoping to get enough cash from cars passing by to get dinner tonight.

I am fighting with my older sister. She doesn’t respect my space. I hate her.

I am here in this “camp” and I don’t know where my mom is, I haven’t seen her in weeks. I keep asking when I can see her. No one tells me anything.

I am at a dance recital. I have a solo dance tonight, I feel nervous and excited for it.

I am watching my dad drink and shoot up. Soon his friends will come over and I’ll try my best to hide in the closet.

I am at a charity gala for the animal humane society. I am wearing my best outfit and petting all the animals they brought to the event.

I am going to tell my parents I don’t feel right in my body, I feel I am not in the right body and I am scared of how they will react.

I am playing at the park with my two besties and we’re having a sleepover after a night at the movies.

I am lying in the hospital. It might be my last night here. The tube down my throat is killing me. I overheard the doctor tell my mom I didn’t have long.

This is what’s happening tonight.
My gender doesn’t matter.
My ethnicity doesn’t matter.
My religion doesn’t matter.
My origin doesn’t matter.
This is what’s happening tonight.

I AM> The two most powerful words in the world. What you put behind them is who you become.

Your I AM isn’t what is happening to you in the moment.

YOUR I AM IS WHO YOU ARE.

For all the 9 year olds experiencing a night above, and for all the adults who were 9 years old and experienced a night above…

YOU ARE WORTHY.
YOU ARE BRILLIANT.
YOU BELONG HERE.

Your 9 year old circumstances don’t determine your current state of being. You get to choose who you are no matter what you’ve been through (at any age). You choose.

I am rising.
I am learning.
I am growing.
I am forgiving.
I am loving.
I am grateful.

For all my nights. For all my circumstances. For all of it.

I AM.

This is what’s happening tonight.
My gender doesn’t matter.
My ethnicity doesn’t matter.
My religion doesn’t matter.
My origin doesn’t matter.
This is what’s happening tonight.

I choose who I AM.

No matter what happens in my life.

This is what’s happening tonight.

I AM ENOUGH. EVERY DAY. EVERY NIGHT. ALWAYS.

Filed Under: LVA Blog, LVA Essays, LVA Writing

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