There’s never been a place where I struggle for words,
I don’t understand blank space and I never have.
It’s a constant stream of words and thoughts and I want space.
Space to feel emptiness.
I long for the empty most hate.
My brain won’t shut off nearly ever. There are no amazing thoughts like,
“I want pumpkin pie.”
The thoughts that many think are the thoughts of dogs, like,
“Yah food”, “Yah a walk”, “Yah you’re home”.
They don’t happen for me.
No, everything is laced with my own self-judgment and the intrexityes of life.
It isn’t a word. I made it up. It’s like some brain mash into and out of and complexity and simplicity and all of it. I wanted it to be a word and I went down the rabbit hole of Google and it wasn’t one.
So I made it up. The intrexityes of life. It’s everything and nothing. Like how I think about Alice in Wonderland at the same time I watch my siblings Marco Polo with me and it feels like we’re doing that same story. Chasing the rabbit.
And then I drive down the road and everything about nothing will filter through my brain and in my head it’s all supposed to be purposeful. It all needs to mean something.
It’s never okay to just want pumpkin pie.
Unless I’m in an empty space.
That is something I chase. Like the rabbit.
And this is just a cultural reference everyone knows and how do they?
In writing this, how do I hope to connect with your perspective. Do you understand based off of these parcels of literature I’ve placed in my piece?
Why does it matter? I didn’t write this for you, and yet you’re reading it. So now it feels like I did. Or maybe I started the writing thinking you would read it.
So if that’s where it started then…
Why do people know that “going down a rabbit hole” means getting lost?
When it really means being found, because in Alice’s case she did get found.
Really the reference of going down a rabbit hole is a positive thing…life transforms from that place.
Nothing really meant anything in Wonderland and it was all okay.
Except that was fiction. But was it, and how does it apply to life here and now?
An why can’t it be okay to just want pumpkin pie?